it’s hard to always be nice

As a new parent, you are bound to get boatloads of unsolicited advice from relatives, friends, caretakers, and I’m not even kidding, random strangers in passing. We were at Walmart, Erik was holding Violet, and I was wearing Olivia. Some guy told him, “you should get one of those carrier things. It would make things easier,” as we passed by. Does that man really think that he was the first person to suggest that to Erik? We just giggled and agreed.

Almost every time we take the girls somewhere, or someone comes over to the house to visit, they will question something we say or do. I say pace feed the bottle, they say, “Why? It looks like they are sucking in air.” Do you seriously think I am telling you to purposely gas my children up like helium balloons? I put socks on their feet and someone pulls them off because they think it’s too hot to wear socks. I literally just put Vicks on their feet, and they LOVE putting their feet in their mouths. Or mine and Erik’s favorite: when Violet is really gassy resulting in hysterical cries and arching her back. “Maybe you should try gas drops.” Are you kidding? We keep Mylicon and gripe water on deck. I cannot express to you how crazy this makes me. I am unsure if it is because we have twins, our age, or a combination of both, but it’s mind blowing sometimes how out of control people think things are here at home.

Violet and Olivia will be eight months on the thirteenth of this month, and I can honestly tell you that no, they aren’t both sleeping through the night. Olivia wakes up once or twice a night for a snack and a diaper change. No, I am not giving her a bottle of rice cereal so I can sleep longer. One night she will sleep from dusk until dawn, but until then, and throughout her milestones and teething pains, I will wake up and nurse her as long as she needs me. She is my child, not my burden.

It’s hard to always be nice, especially when these things happen with close friends and family. I know they mean well, but Erik and I really do know what we are doing when it comes to parenting the girls. I carried them for eight months, and they are equal parts us. We can decipher the hungry cries from the gassy ones, we know when they are tired, we know when they are bored, and let’s be honest here, breastfeeding fixes all of the above. So please, the next time you want to suggest something to a new set of parents, stop to think that maybe, just maybe, they know what they’re doing.



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