I don’t know if I am ready to write something like this and I really don’t know if I am ready for you guys to read something like this, but the more I saw it the more it bothered me and I want to address it. So, for my sixth post on my blog, I am going to go there. Like really GO there. Okay? Okay.
I was following a certain mom-themed Facebook page that is geared toward supporting breastfeeding mothers and normalizing breastfeeding in general. I am all about that. What I am NOT all about, are the various posts that were shared on that page justifying why it’s okay not to have sex after you have a child. Okay, wait, this post isn’t just about sex. Hear me out. The writers behind these posts would list ten, if not more, reasons why you might not want to have sex and for the most part, they are understandable reasons, but one that just made me go, “wait, no…” was that if you are a breastfeeding mother, by the time your significant other gets home, you may feel ‘touched out’ by your child and not want to be touched by somebody else. If that is something you deal with, I apologize, but I don’t agree. I don’t think your child needing you and your spouse showing you affection are in the same category. Honestly, after a day with the girls, as soon as Erik comes through that door I am like, “Yes! HUG ME. LOVE ME.”
After reading the articles, of course I read the comments. SO MANY WOMEN said they dealt with this problem and would go to say things like, “You want to turn me on? Take the baby and let me sleep.” Or, “After doing this this and this all day, the last thing I want to do is have sex.” One woman even said, “I haven’t had sex since I was seven months pregnant, and my daughter is over a year old now.” Hold on. Rewind. You mean to tell me that you and your husband haven’t had sex in a year and a half, give or take a month or two? I just don’t understand. These women make it sound like sex is an all night affair and I’m sorry, but put yourself in his shoes. Based on what I read: these men go to work during the day, come home at night to what sounds like defeated women who want absolutely nothing to do with them emotionally, yet they expect them to willingly take over the kids and household so they can have a break. I get it, I have days where I am in tears by the time Erik comes home. Honey, if you haven’t had sex in such an elapsed amount of time, it’s not going to take more than five minutes for you to finish. Put the kids in their crib with a toy they can’t choke on, and by God go in your room and get it on.
Those same women seemed to be the ones who would go on to complain that their significant others wouldn’t do this or didn’t do that, and they wished they would ____ and all I could think was, “then why don’t you tell them that instead of putting it on the internet for complete strangers (who are evidently in the same boat) to read and reply to?” It coincides with my post from yesterday. TALK TO THEM. COMMUNICATE. I always exit out of my browser thinking, “damn, how did I get so lucky?” You know how? Do you really want to know? Erik and I talk to each other. We are supportive of one another. If we get upset with one another, we address it like adults instead of bottling it up and exploding on each other like Mentos and soda. Erik and I get into little tiffs here and there, but we never ever get into screaming matches with each other. The result? A functional household.
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I am lucky, because I know that there are men and woman equally out there who just don’t understand how to put someone else’s needs before their own. Erik is a great man and an excellent father. Our relationship didn’t just happen like this over night, though. We definitely worked on it, and it took time to get here, and the girls definitely add stress to it sometimes, but that’s what this is about, and this is why I brought up the responses from the women on those articles. You, as the other half in a relationship, have to equally put forth effort for things to work, whether that be your husband cleaning up after dinner because you cooked, or taking the time to be intimate with one another, because if you both aren’t in it, you’re going to fall victim to resentment and nothing good comes from that.
*photo credit Merriam-Webster